ARE THESE RIGHTS OR PRIVILEGES?
We are all continually scratching our heads for effective consequences. Parents seem confused about the difference between rights and privileges when it comes to the kids. It is a child's right to have a roof over their head, two sets of clothes, nutritious food, medical attention and live in an abuse-free home. Everything listed below is a privilege which parents may, at their discretion, bestow upon kids who demonstrate their willingness to be responsible family members.
Do you continue to provide these items for your child in spite of his or her refusal to comply with house rules?
Does your "sense of responsibility" compel you to spend time daily providing these services, even when your child refuses to help carry in their grocery order, feed the cat, or speak to you in a civil manner?
Do you regularly comply with specialty market requests, even when your simplest wishes are ignored? Omit from your shopping list or throw out one item per offense.
CHANGE YOUR WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS . . . . . . .
IT IS A PRIVILEGE to use the phone to earn money for a chore, to use the VCR to have a drivers license to drive, to have a friend overnight, to wear designer clothes, to receive an allowance, to go to camp or a school outing, to have a house key, to have a private room, to be trusted with a normal curfew, to be trusted at parties, to receive anything on the above list
The rules below are selected from many different families. They are simply a guideline to consider when making your own HOUSE RULES.COMMON HOUSE RULES:
*No Physical or verbal abuse to family members or property.
*Treat family and property with respect (Be polite ).
*Phone calls to be ended by 9:30 PM on school nights, 10:30 PM on other nights.
*Bath & bedroom to be maintained by 10:00 AM on non-school days, 7:30 AM on school days.
*Attend all of your scheduled classes at school daily.
*Homework completed daily before __________ (8:00 PM, T.V., Dinner hour, play time,etc.)
*No drugs, pills, drug paraphernalia, tobacco or alcohol.
*Lights out and in bed by 10:00 PM on school nights.
*Clean up after yourself before leaving that room.
*Do chores daily, on time, as posted.
*Curfew on weekends & holidays is 11:00 PM.
* No friends in house unless a parent is present.
*Obtain permission before leaving the house.
*Do not use anyone else's property without permission.
We suggest starting with no more than 10 house rules, less is O.K. However many you start with, you must be ready to enforce them. Don't have rules you are not ready to give consequences for if violated. Try to include some rules your child is already following. The negative behavior column on your "Parent's Homework Sheet " is a good indicator of what rules are needed in your home. Remember, if you find yourself repeating something to your child over and over again, maybe it needs to be a house rule. As time and behavior change, so can your house rules. We suggest typing or writing your house rules on paper, not carving them in stone.
CONSEQUENCE SUGGESTIONS
All items listed below are merely suggestions. Add the necessary variations to fit your circumstance. Remember, any consequence is not forever, the item or privilege may be earned back in a few days to a week. ALSO, DON'T FORGET TO COMPLIMENT THE POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. The consequence should fit the violation of the house rules. DO NOT OVERLOAD OR OVER REACT. One consequence per event.
LOSS OF THE USE OF A HAIR DRYER.
TELEPHONE: Reduce time usage pr complete loss, answer phone use.
STEREO /RADIO / TELEVISION: Reduce usage or remove. (Removal of speakers and headphones are lighter than the whole unit. )
WALL POSTERS: Remove
MONEY: Loss of allowance, lunch or snack funds, etc.
BEDROOM DOOR: Removal eliminates privacy. THIS IS A HEAVY CONSEQUENCE. Try just taking the door knob first.
FAVORITE CLOTHING: Take favorite item (s), but only one shoe.
CURFEW: Reduce normal curfew times 1/2. One or more hours.
FAVORITE FOODS: Leave only bread, milk & eggs. Don't stock up.
COOKING: Stop cooking for them, leave an empty space at the table.
LAUNDRY: Stop doing it for them, they are old enough.
CHORES: Additional chores over & above normal, i.e. yard work, window washing, bathtub scrubbing, etc.
EXCLUDE FROM FUN OUTINGS: i.e. Disneyland, concerts, sporting events etc., even if tickets were purchased by child.
RESCIND DRIVER'S LICENSE OR PERMIT: If under 18, can be done by written request from parent to DMV.
BED: Remove pillow, or mattress or whole thing.
MAKE UP: Remove from house.
KEYS: House, motorcycle, car. Can also take bike or skateboard.
TOILET SEAT: 'nuff said.
The rest is up to your imagination. Some will work while some won't. Don't worry, you will feel better for having taken the action.
NECESSITIES: Shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream, mouthwash, toilet paper, etc.
LUXURIES: Cosmetic, Clearasil or Stridex, after shave lotion, perfume, Answering Machine, batteries, hair spray, bath towels, ? ? ? ? ? ? etc.
SPECIALTY FOODS: Ice cream, chips, cookies, soda, sweets, frozen microwave snacks( burritos, hot pockets, pizza, etc. ) convenience foods. Discard an item for bad behavior and/or deliberately exclude any or all items from your next grocery shopping. Be sure to let your child know these exclusions are a consequence for unacceptable behavior.
SERVICES: Don't cook, drive, shop for, launder, sew, repair, problem solve, or offer assistance of any kind . . . . . . . . . . . . and try to appear cheerful while doing so . . . . . .
Withdrawing services is the consequence. Staying angry about it will only add to the tension. Say something like "I won't drive you to the mall because you swore at me earlier today. Maybe we can try again tomorrow". Then get away from the situation so you don't get drawn into the child's anger. These passive consequences have been very effective as a starting point with confrontational kids. Try 'em ! Remove yourself from an abusive or threatening disagreement. "Acting Out" stops quickly when there is no audience.
KEEP COMING BACK * * * * * * IT WORKS ! ! ! ! !
We wanted to thank you for visiting our site. We hope the information you received from the reference Library helps! Just to let you know, we have a book called "The Program". It may help you with many situations if you cannot find or attend a group in your area. The cost of the book is $ 12.00 (English Version) $ 14.00 (Spanish Version) and your check is 100% tax deductible. Please send all Book orders to: BILY P.O. BOX 2062WINNETKA, CA 91396-2062 Please make your Tax Deductible check payable to: BECAUSE I LOVE YOU or BILY this address is for book orders only. Once again, thanks for stopping by, Because I Love You the Parent & Teen Support Group This message is in full compliance with U.S. Federal requirements for commercial email under bill S.1618 Title III, Section 301, Paragraph (a) (2) (C) passed by the 105th U.S. Congress and cannot be considered SPAM