B.I.L.Y.'s Ten Steps To Success
The foundational steps for change in the family
1. I WILL BE NUMBER ONE
I will regain my credibility as a parent. I will feel good about myself and the home I live in...my child and I are not equal.
2. I WILL NO LONGER FEEL GUILTY
I know that I have done the best I can and that I am not the sole cause of my child’s behavior. I will not buy into the “Why didn’t I’s” or “Maybe if I had done this.” I am not the only influence in my child’s life.
3. I WILL NOT SHARE IN MY CHILD’S CRISIS
I will put the crisis where it belongs. If my child chooses to put him/herself into crisis, I will no longer pad those corners or become a rescuer.
4. I WILL LEARN TO LET GO
My child needs to become more independent so that he/she can gain self-confidence. I must allow my child the space.
5. I WILL MAKE THE RULES
I pay the bills, I make the rules. These rules will be what I am comfortable with.
6. I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH
I will learn to act instead of react. Each crisis must have a consequence that I am prepared to follow through with. I will change my pattern of behavior and always be prepared by staying a step ahead.
7. I WILL KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN
I will allow time for open discussion and remind my child that I am doing this “Because I Love You.”
8. I WILL ALWAYS AVAIL MY FAMILY OF RESOURCES AND MATERIALS
I will obtain any and all literature pertaining to the problems of my child. I will direct them to the proper channels be it education, drug problems, or a teen support group.
9. I WILL WORK TOWARDS A MORE REALISTIC FAMILY LIFE
We are not now, nor will we ever be “The Brady Bunch.” I will look for cooperation in the home, with everyone doing his or her part.
10. I WILL BECOME ACTIVE IN A PARENT SUPPORT GROUP
I will get involved with parents who are having or have had similar problems, I will make a commitment to attend six meetings, and then hopefully I will be out of crisis enough that I will want to give back to the group.
These Steps, or guidelines, help parents build a stronger role within the family, and as a result, help the children in the family understand the responsibility they must take for their actions within the family unit. By using these steps, parents are encouraged to “be strong” and take a firm stance with their ideas and behavior enforcement. In doing this, they will learn that these guidelines really do work as they have for thousands of other parents since 1982.
Although B.I.L.Y. does not guarantee results, it does help parents communicate better within their family structure and open their hearts and minds to the situation as well.
B.I.L.Y. holds meetings weekly (see our meeting location list). In the two-and-a-half hour sessions, the first two hours are committed to the parents’ small group, which is a group of up to eight people who focus on the individual’s problems. Solutions are offered by members of the group, usually including some who have experienced the same problem at one time or another. Next, the entire parent support group meets to discuss success stories and testimonials. This is an important partof the meeting, because positive reinforcement is vital to the group’s morale. Sometimes, success buttons are given as a token of achievement on the parent’s part.
Through participation in the group and with the combination of support, compassion, and flexibility, parents are guided every step of the way in an effort to help achieve their individual goals.
B.I.L.Y. has helped more than 700,000 people regain control of their lives and improve the quality of communication within their families.
A copy of the "B.I.L.Y. Ten Steps to Success" can be downloaded in PDF format here.